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Before I knew it, the glass broke. A sharp pain shot through my fingertips as blood spurted from my newly inflicted wounds. I screeched at the top of my lungs for a split second, the pain shocking me. My first instinct was to rush to the sink and attempt to control the bleeding, but intrigue stopped my instinct. I looked down as the shattered glass continued to draw blood from my palms and fingertips, just watching as the blood poured onto the floor. I smiled crookedly as the pain seemed to drain from my mind to my wounds and down to the floor. I had found my addiction replacement. I began to cut very soon after that incident. I could never drain myself enough to get rid of all of the pain, it seemed. So the more I hurt, the more I cut. It was the addiction that I wasn’t going to get resistant to. I loved this kind of control. Just like everything else, I took this one too far. In a matter of days, a spiral shaped whelp on my arm flared up almost with vengeance at my self mutilation.. For the past five months my now ex-spouse Karin had been off gallivanting with a surfer dude about twenty years younger than her. That left my step-daughter Sandy and me to fend for ourselves. Karin hadn’t even bothered to call us for the past month, and we had no idea how to reach her. All we knew was that she had decided to leave us in search for a new life. “We’ll be OK, Daddy”, Sandy had said to me, “I can cook and clean and you can do the groceries and take the garbage out.” We made a good team, and I was proud of my step-daughter. So far, it had worked out pretty well with both of us pulling our weight whenever and wherever needed. Sandy had a lot of common sense and worldly know-how, but I knew that she missed her mother as much as I did. She seemed somewhat more fragile than she had been when we were a real family, seeking greater intimacy with me now that her mother was gone. I tried to console her as much as possible, letting her know that I loved her and that I wouldn’t.
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